3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
