I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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