just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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