i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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