As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
