i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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