either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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