I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
