I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
