I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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