that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize