You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
