Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize