New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
