last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
