New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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