As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
