Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
