Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
