Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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