Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
