why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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