New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
