Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
