Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize