Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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