My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
