she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
