I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
