omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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