How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
