are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
