end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
