I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
