im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
