It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
