i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
