swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
