Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
