You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
