I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
