So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
