if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
