i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
