dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
