i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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