I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
