haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize