wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
