So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
