Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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