2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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