my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
