3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
