On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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