Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
