I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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