12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
