You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
