whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
