would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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