i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
