The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's shark week go big or go home
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
