I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
