dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
