nut hugger
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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