So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
