After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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