What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize