Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
