all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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