oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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