i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize