if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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