our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
