There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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