i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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