White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
