So drunk its hurt
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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