that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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