yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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