She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
