I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
