Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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