Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
