I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
