i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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