ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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