I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
