I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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