youre lurking in front of me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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