Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
honey bunches of taint.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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