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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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