We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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