I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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