ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize