areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
