Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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