Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
