my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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