I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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