guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
