Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
