she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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