Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
