I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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