Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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