I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
