she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
