He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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