Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize