First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
